Second Chance
by Tsubame-go
Summary: Ruka finds a familiar face he never expected to see again on the street. He never expected a second chance... now that he has one will he take it? Set two years after Ruka graduated from the academy. Mikan/Ruka.
1. Chapter 1

**I've finally finished chapter 1! this took me practically a month to complete... I got the idea for this story on our dear Ruka-pyon's birthday, so this is kinda like birthday gift for him. Gakuen Alice and it's characters belongs to Tachibana Higuchi, I do not claim to own any part of them.  
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_I won't lose to you, Natsume; I'm won't be second to you in loving Sakura, I won't lose!_

_And yet he had already lost..._

Ruka yawned as he heated up yesterday's leftovers for his breakfast, it had been two years since he'd graduated for Gakuen Alice, one year since he'd opened the veterinarian clinic he worked in now, but also one since he'd given up searching for Sakura and Natsume. Natsume had escaped the academy after middle school, obviously to be with Sakura; while Ruka had stayed 'til graduation. Ruka had spent the year after graduation looking for them, but to no avail, so he had decided searching was futile, and settle down at the clinic.

Once finished with breakfast, Ruka went down to the clinic to check on the rabbit that was currently there for treatment of a broken paw. He pulled on his white veterinarian coat as he entered the clinic, cages lined one wall of the clinic, though currently only one was occupied. He peered in at the bunny, its soft brown fur lay gently upon its skin as it slept; he could see it needed a change of bandages, though. Ruka remembered he just so happened to be almost out of bandages, so he hastened out the door to restock at the nearest store that had bandages suitable for animals. Unfortunately, the only store like that was 10 minutes away by train and he had only brought enough money to by bandages with not 10 yen to spare.

_"Looks like I'm walking_..." Ruka thought, and without further ado he was on his way. It was a rainy day, gloomy gray clouds blanketed the sky; Ruka scolded himself for forgetting a umbrella as heavy rain drenched his hair. Within ten minutes he was drenched, but as it wasn't worth running back after he was more than half-way to the store, he continued on. He wasn't paying much attention to the people he passed on the street, that is except the figure of a woman clutching a baby. He couldn't see her face at first, but she seemed strangely... _familiar_. There was desperation and fear in her eyes, her long brown hair looked even wetter than his own, like she had been out in the elements for... _years_.

"Sakura-san?" Ruka inquired. Her eyes grew wide as tennis balls, and maybe he imagined it, but there was a faint glimmer of relief in her eyes.

"R-ruka-pyon...?" it was more of a plea then an answer. He nodded in conformation, just before consciousness left her a ghost of a smile crossed her lips. he leaned in to catch her and was surprised to find her light as a feather, even with the weight of her child. Without hesitation he hastened to the nearest subway station, putting the thought of bandages behind.

He managed to catch the next subway traveling in the clinic's direction, he held Sakura, still clutching her baby, even in her unconsciousness. He put his hand on her forehead, although her hands were ice-cold, her head burned with fever.

_"What happened to you, Sakura? You used to be so energetic... why were you living in streets?" _Ruka wondered, but most of all he wonder why Natsume wasn't with her. He never would have left her side, even if his life depended on it. "So where's Natsume, Sakura? I know he couldn't have left you by his own will. besides, isn't that his child?" The subway pulled up at the station, he moved as quickly as he could with Sakura in his arms, as she was. But once he was out of the crowded station, it was easy enough to get to the clinic.

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**~Mikan's POV**

_I thought you said you weren't going to __die Natsume-kun... I thought you weren't going to leave me!_

When she awakened she was so warm and sleepy, all she wanted was to return to comforting arms of sleep_; _but where was Hiroshi? her son, all she had left of Natsume? Wild eyed, she sat up so quickly she almost fell out of the bed_,_ frantically, she analyzed her surroundings. She appeared to sitting in a small single bed in a tiny one room apartment, it's few furnishings included a small stove equip with two burners, a petite oven and a microwave. Other than the bed and the stove, the only furnishings were a fridge, a tiny table and a single chair; one window revealed that this small dwelling was on the top floor of a building, at first Mikan was afraid because she couldn't find a door, but just then the top of a blond head emerged out of a trap door in in the floor.

Blue eyes confirmed recognition, she managed a little smile as he climbed up into the room carrying... "Hiroshi!" Mikan ran over and grabbed her baby from the the blond man before her.

"Are you well enough to be up, Sakura-san?" he asked with concern rooted in his voice.

"R-ruka-pyon.." Mikan faltered ignoring his question, "how in the world did you find us?"

"I was out getting bandages when i found you in the street," he answered truthfully, he continued gently as if he knew his next question might bring tears. "Can you tell me why Natsume isn't by your side? that's his child, isn't it?"

"Y-yes, Hiroshi is Natsume's son." Mikan faltered, trying to remain calm even though it was nearly impossible for her. "N-natsume isn't... here anymore, h-he... after Hiroshi w-was born." She couldn't say anything more, hot tear were already falling; she clutched her son tightly. Mikan felt Ruka's hand around her shoulder, he was crying too now; his voice was bearly audible but she still managed to hear it.

"I'm so sorry..."

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**That's it for chapter one! please review!^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Looks like I'm motivated to work hard on this story.... it sure is hard to write.... Gakuen Alice and it's characters belong to Tachibana Higuchi, I do not claim to own them.  


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_Hotaru, Natsume, Mikan… Why did they all have to escape the academy and leave me alone? Do I really have so little importance that they don't care if I might be lonely struggling on my own at Gakuen Alice?_

"You're fever has gone down a bit," Ruka informed Mikan after removing the thermometer from her mouth. She didn't give him much of a reply; she just shrugged and lay back down. It had been one night since he had brought her to the clinic after finding her ill and famished in the streets, she hadn't said a single word since she had explained about Natsume; Ruka had decided not to force her to talk 'til she was ready. But there were so many questions he wanted to ask her, how long ago did Natsume die? What about Yuka-san? Why wasn't Sakura-san at least with her mother? Did she know where Imai-san was?

Finding someone from your past you never expected to see again made things a bit complicated, especially since Ruka had never really ceased loving Mikan.

"_First I have to wait 'til she starts talking again,"_ Ruka thought to himself as he rebandaged the bunny's paw. _"But who knows how long that might take…" _ The real problem, however, was if he should tell her he still loved her more than anything, in her current state it would be cruel to make such a confession. But how long would he have to wait until she was mentally and physically stable? Ruka put the rabbit back into its cage had headed back up the ladder to the studio apartment over the clinic.

Her blank stare was agonizing, what had happened to her since he'd last seen her? She was a shell of her former perky self Ruka had known so long ago. How can ten years past so quickly yet so painfully slowly? Sakura-san just sat in the bed, holding her child; her face drained of the emotions it had once held. Ruka heated up some rice for their dinner, hoping she wouldn't just shake her head when he offered her it like she had at breakfast and lunch. How long had she been like this, refusing to eat, to speak, never moving more than she had to?

"Here's your dinner, Sakura-san." Ruka held a small bowl of rice towards her, _"Please don't refuse, this is for your own good!" _he prayed, not wanting to have to force feed her. But to his dismay, once again she simply shook her head. _"Here goes... hopefully she won't hate me after this..."_

"You have to eat, Sakura-san." he tried to hide the desperation in his voice, for this he had to sound stern. "How long do you intend to keep this up? How much longer do you intend to be silent?" he breathed in willing himself to continue_. _"How long have been like this anyway? Since Natsume died?" Ruka struggled to keep his 'anger' from turning to the sadness he was really feeling. "Has your child even heard your voice enough to remember it? Do you plan on neglecting yourself and the people who care about you until you starve to death? Get a hold of yourself, Mikan! look at what you've become; a person who gives up and runs away when the going gets so tough you feel like you can't possibly handle anything more. What happened to that girl i knew when I was ten? Who is this pitiful woman in front of me?"

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**~Mikan's POV**

_How can you leave me now, Natsume? __You're were all I had left, and now I have to let go? Can't you at least hold on 'til Hiroshi is old enough to remember you?_

_"That's right yell at me, hate me... please don't stop," _Mikan pleaded in her mind, even though her heart was empty, being yelled at felt almost like salvation. _"Hurt me, Ruka-pyon... tell me how worthless I am, Save me with your criticism." _

Yes, she had barely spoken since Natsume died one year ago, it had been shortly after Hiroshi was born; when he died she had given up on happiness, even when her mother had died she hadn't been left completely alone, she had always, always, had Natsume. That had been enough for her, if he was there she could stand anything; but now that he was gone she found herself a wreck, she couldn't even cry, it was like her tears had run out. Yesterday some feeling had come back, but that had been short lived; even though she was with Ruka-pyon now it would never fil the space in her heart where Natsume had been for ten years, she would always, always be an empty pitcher, drained of all emotion she had once held so tightly.

_"Why aren't you continuing, Ruka-pyon?" _The long pause in the yelling confused Mikan, she had been as close to relief as she could in her current state, couldn't he keep it up? She looked up at his face, why was he crying? was it her fault? At last, he continued his rant.

"Do you know how worried I've been? I searched for you for a year before I gave up!" Tears were falling uncontrollably, his face was red and blotchy. "I'm going to take you and your child to the hospital, there you won't be aloud to neglect yourself like you have been recently," Ruka told her in a strained voice, as if each word was hurting him.

Hospital. No! She wouldn't go! She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't! Was her fear showing? _"Please Ruka-pyon... hurt me, kill me, anything! Just don't... help me." _Mikan bit her lip and clutched Hiroshi even tighter, trying to find a way to tell him no; when had she lost her ability to converse with people? How long had it been since she had had a proper conversation?

When her voice came it was barely, if even, audible, She couldn't even tell if he had heard it. "N-no, I w-won't go..." but he was beyond the reach of her words, he had broken down, fists clenched, head down, sobbing on the floor. It was just one, and a puny one at that, but just then a tear escaped Mikan's eye.

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**That's it for chapter two! please, please, please, please, please review!**

**XOXO~ Tsubame-go  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Revised version of chapter 3. I do not own Gakuen Alice and it's characters, they are the property of the great Tachibana Higuchi.

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_When I feel I finally might be able to move on to the future the a ghost of the person I care about most appears before me. Ten years ago she pushed forward yet now she clings to fragment of the dead. Perhaps we're the same, I cling to the past, she clings to the lost. And yet she is a fragment of the person I knew and I remain myself._

Ruka couldn't help feeling bad when he looked at Sakura, sleeping a hospital bed with tube in her arm, despite her refusal to go to the hospital he had taken her. Even though it was for her own good, he felt a little bad about taking her in her sleep. It wasn't like he had a choice; she wouldn't have gone if she were conscious. _At least Sakura's condition was stable now_; thought Ruka couldn't say the same about her child. Hiroshi's condition could easily be called life threatening, he was so young and so frail...

Ruka touched Sakura's cheek, _"what will you do if you lose your child too, Sakura?" _he asked her silently, _"is it even possible to be less alive than you already are without dying?" _He found himself running his hand along Sakura's face, finally reaching her lips. How many times had those lips kissed Natsume? When was the last time those lips had held a smile? Before he knew it, Ruka found himself planting a kiss on her unconscious lips. He drew back immediately, ashamed of himself; how could he do such a thing to someone as helpless a Sakura was now? Ruka found himself wondering, if Natsume was in his place now, what would he have done? _I'm pathetic, _he chastised himself, _I'm jealous of a dead man! What an idiot I am..._

His eyes fell on her child, Hiroshi, though Sakura's condition had stabilized, her child still lingered near the edge_._ Ruka couldn't remember the child ever opening his eyes, let alone crying or making any type of sound. He wondered how long it had been since that child had eaten, awakened, cried, or shown any other sign of life.

Ruka barely noticed the doctor entering the room to check on Sakura and Hiroshi, he probably wouldn't have noticed the doctor if the doctor hadn't froze at the sight of Sakura and Ruka. Ruka looked up at him, he was tall and wore glasses, and his black hair was neat, even though a few strands fell over one of his eyes. Ruka glanced at his name tag and practically jump out of his seat. It read:

**Subaru Imai, Head Doctor**

Subaru Imai. Hotaru's older brother. Ruka just sat there, stunned, unable to speak, hopelessly trying to think of something to say, but unable to form any words in his head. But lucky for him, Imai spoke first.

"Looks like I'm too late for this one."

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**~Mikan's POV**

_My Reasons for living are slipping away... Don't worry; I'll join you soon, Natsume._

Mikan's eye's fluttered open, too late for whom? That voice sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she had heard it before. She recognized Subaru Imai immediately, but at the moment the place he was standing was far more important to her. He was standing right over Hiroshi's crib, frantically, she sat up. Ruka-pyon and Imai both turned their heads her way, Imai closed his eyes and began to speak, but what was the use of saying anything more after what he had just said?

"That's your child, isn't it? I'm so terribly sorry."

Sorry? Did he honestly think that was enough? Maybe if he was a normal doctor, but he had a healing alice for heaven's sake! He'd taken away all she had left of Natsume! Her only son! She rose out of her bed, her head spinning with fever and fury, her hand out stretched, prepared to use her alice on him. Imai stepped aside, he obviously anticipated that she would attack him. But her alice had still been used, a stone lay in her hand and it wasn't the stone of Subaru Imai's alice. This alice stone had belonged to Hiroshi.

She stared at the stone, she recognized the color, she'd seen this kind of stone before, _but where had she seen it?_ The stone was an ominous black, She was sure she must have come across a stone such as this before. _"What alice did my child have?" _Mikan thought hard and stared intently at the stone, trying to jog her memory to figure out when she had seen such a stone, and of course what alice had it contained? The stone didn't feel right, just holding it caused a dull pain in her hand, like it contained a truly terrible alice. Part of her didn't want to know what it was, she was so sure it was a dangerous alice, but as a mother she needed to know exactly what her child had been.

She remembered, the stone looked just like that person's stone, even though she had only seen it but once. This explained its ominous appearance and feel, it did contain the mark of death alice after all, if someone were to put it into their body it was likely they would die. This was the tool Mikan needed to join Natsume and Hiroshi.

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**Wow. this needed revision badly.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Guess what? I finally updated! this chapter took me longer than normal to write, hope you enjoy it!  


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_If I force someone to live one, regardless of if they themselves desire to do so… would that make me kind or simply selfish?_

A faint smile had crossed her lips; she was gazing into the palm of her hand. _But what is she so happy to have that she can smile even at a time like this? _Ruka wondered. _An alice stone_, _her son's alice stone; a fragment of what she had lost that could never be restored... _But what alice stone was the color of darkness? Ruka gasped, the skin touching the stone was darkening, and he had to get that stone away from Sakura. Without wasting a second Ruka lunged to knock it out of her hand.

At first Ruka didn't realize what had hit him, all he knew was his right arm engulfed in white hot pain. He winced at the sight of his arm, dark bruises cover his skin. _I see can why this alice is called 'mark of death' _Ruka thought as he rose to his feet once more. The horror plastered on Sakura's face was a small relief, she was regaining emotion. On the down side she was reaching down for the stone again, so obviously she had yet to regain the will to live. He lunged for the stone again, this time falling upon it, feeling the agony of the mark of death spread to his chest. With his left hand, he clutched the stone and rose once more.

Were those tears in her eyes? Through the pain, Ruka smiled at her returning emotion. Sakura's lips formed the word "why."

"Because I won't let the person most dear to me die. Natsume… he felt the same way, right?" Ruka found himself fading into unconsciousness.

_One day later…_

Ruka felt so warm when he awakened that at first he simply wanted to return to the comfort of sleep. Despite this, he cracked his eyes open for a split second; just long enough to take in the basic subject of his surroundings. He was in a white room, and a woman with long fawn colored hair sat crying next to his bed. _Sakura… The alice stone…_ he slowly began to recall everything.

How long had he been out? Where was the alice stone of Sakura's son? He was free of pain now; did that mean Imai had cured him of the shadowy marks that had been nearly engulfing his skin?

Reading himself to face a distraught Sakura, Ruka lifted his eye lids. At first she didn't realize he had awakened for her face was in her hands, through her tears she murmured that same word, "why?" again and again.

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**~Mikan's POV**

_Why is it that you continue to care? This 'care' is breaking my heart._

Mikan was hesitant to look up, with her face in her hands it felt like she could escape from the world. But she knew that reality would always find her no matter where she tied to hide. But when she looked up Ruka's clear blue eyes were open, she flinched, half ready to hide again. She could cover her ears perhaps, for she knew whatever he would tell her would hurt. _What can I do? I am so afraid… why, why does he refuse to hate me, even after all I've done?_

"What are you afraid of, Sakura, what is it that's making you cringe like that?"

Had he read her mind? Mikan wondered, realizing that she herself couldn't describe why or what exactly she feared, all she knew was that she felt terror. Too shocked for words, all she could do was wait for him to continue.

"Am I what is scaring you? If that's the case perhaps I can ask Imai-san where his sister is so you can stay with her instead of sticking with me, would that make you happy?" Ruka continued, a fragment of sorrow in his voice.

Hotaru. How on earth did he think facing her would be any easier than facing him? Her voice was still lost in shock, so Mikan simply shock her head. Ruka's crystal blue gaze darted away, as if he was afraid to look Mikan in the eyes. After a few long moments his eye returned to her, he drew in a breath and and began to speak.

"Okay, Sakura," Ruka paused. "Just promise me one thing. Promise me you'll give life a second chance, promise me you'll try to live despite the fact that Natsume isn't with us."

Mikan froze, caught by surprise. How could he ask this of her? He was being so cruel! He knew she would never be able to learn to forget Natsume, not ever! She sighed, carefully preparing her answer and pulling together her composure.

"And if I can't promise you that?" Mikan began weakly. "How can you even ask me that? Do you even realize what you're asking? You're asking me to forget Natsume!"

"No, Sakura. That isn't at all what I mean." Ruka responded, quiet but firm. "I know you'll always love Natsume, no matter what my feelings for you are." Mikan froze as his voice cracked when he said 'Natsume' and 'my'. "What I'm asking is for you to not give up, I'm sure Natsume would want the same."

Struggling to hold in tears, Mikan barely managed to speak. "Why… why! Why can't you just hate me!" She cried, beginning to feel light headed. Ruka smiled softly.

"Because I love you." He said simply. A long silence followed, finally Mikan found her voice, and her resolve.

"Okay." She said very quietly. "I'll try living."

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**So there you have it. Now I have an important announcement. Lately I haven't really been into this story, in fact I've been thinking about dropping it. But not yet. I'm going to at least try to finish it. But, if I do decide discontinue this in the future, any of you are more than welcome to finish this fic. If you'd be interested, just so in a review. **

**Thank you! please review!**

**~Tsubame-go  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**You know that lazy author that calls herself Tsubame-go? guess what! she finally updated second chance! amazing, right? **

**I sincerly apologize for how long it takes me to update. I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

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**_Sometimes I see fragments of the girl I knew all those years ago peak through you. But are you still that girl I loved so much? Are you still the girl I love?_

"First things first," Ruka began, "You can't stay at my place; it's far too small for two people. I can't let you stay be yourself, judging by how you've been acting; so I've found an old friend you can stay with." Ruka smiled, waiting for her reaction.

"Do I… Know this friend?" Mikan replied weakly, she was still getting used to talking on a regular basis again.

"Sakura, before I went to the academy I didn't have many friends. By 'old friend' I mean someone we knew at the academy, actually they're some of the only people I've been keeping in touch with. I hope you don't mind living with newlyweds." Ruka laughed as he told her the last part. Mikan's confused expression was pricelessly adorable.

"Umm… I guess I don't mind…?" Ruka let Mikan's unspoken question linger tensely in the air for a minute.

"Don't worry, they have a guest room," Ruka paused, and then continued with a nod from Mikan. "Okay, then I'll call 'em now." He smiled, happy to let the mystery remain. He extracted his cell phone from his pocket and selected a number.

"_Hello?" _Ruka smiled at the man's voice from the other side of the line.

"Ah, hello, it's me Ruka again. Mikan said she's good with staying at your place." Ruka informed him, picturing the smile that would be creeping into the dark haired man's face.

"_That's great! I'll go tell Misaki! When can you bring her by?"_

"Probably in a few hours, I still haven't told her who the 'old friends' she'll be staying with are," Ruka told him with a chuckle.

"_Ah, Ruka… You're truly an evil ma-aster mi-ind! Catch you later!" _Ruka smiled at the last joke and suppressed a laugh. Mikan's eyes stared up at him, mesmerized in confusion.

"I take it I don't find out who it is I'm staying with until you drop me off in a few hours?" She asked in joking exasperation. Ruka smiled and nodded through shut eyes, glad to see her so lively.

"Don't worry, I'm positive you'll be thrilled when you them," Ruka told her, placing his hand on her head. "Wait here Sakura; I'm going to collect your possessions from the clinic, then I'll take you to their place."

**~Mikan's POV**

_Can I return to that life I lived once upon a time? Am I to changed to return? Do I even know how to return? I want the certainty I once knew, but do I have the ability to turn back time?_

Mikan sighed as she heard the sound of Ruka's footsteps fade away down the hall. To be honest she was a little bit concerned with who Ruka was dropping her off with, so much time had passed, Mikan coulnd't be confident that she could even recognize an old classmate if she met them. Mentally, Mikan ran through all the possibilities; but unfortunately she couldn't even be sure who they were, she was even having trouble recalling names! Of course there were the one she'd never be able to forget: Permy, Kokoroyomi, Hotaru, Tsubasa-senpai, Tobita-kun, Nobara…

To her own surprise, Mikan actually began to cry in frustration; she hated herself! She wanted to remember everything and everyone, but try as she might; her memory was blanking out on her. How could this be? She wanted to scream and yell until she couldn't speak a word, and yet she also felt the urge to go back into melancholy and despair.

"I want…?" Mikan whispered, faltering, frustrated at her inability to express herself through spoken words, even just to her own self. "To go back… to a time when I was happy." Hot tears were streaming down her cheeks as she tried to recall little bits of happiness, Natsume's smile, Natsume's joy when he learned Mikan was going to have his baby, Natsume, Natsume, Natsume… _"Why… why… why! Why does the one I loved have to be gone?" _Mikan asked no one in particular in her head for the thousandth time since his death. When Natsume was with her she could do anything; without him Mikan was hopelessly lost.

"Sakura, are you ready to leave?" Ruka's voice called back to reality. She had to try to find a way to be happy, for Ruka's sake as well as her own she realized.

"Yes Ruka-pyon, I'm ready." Mikan told him, speaking to convince herself as well. She could do this, she had to do this. But would she really be able to face someone from her old life?

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**That's all! hope you liked it! I'll try for a longer chapter next time... I hope. Am I lazy or do I just have too much home work? you decide. Remember to review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Guess what? I finally found time to update! I'm really sorry I've been taking so long, it's just my homework seems to be holding me back...  


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**_I'm sorry… I never wanted you to see me like this… my childhood crush, will you still be the older brother I never had? Be my Nii-sama._

Mikan took a sharp breath inward and closed her eyes, she couldn't remember the last time she had ridden a subway. When she closed her eyes it was like she could become ten again; in her mind she could visit the Central Town, she could almost taste the howalon she had loved so much. She always had a difficult time recalling the flavor of howalon, which caused her to have a mad craving for it.

"What are you smiling about, Sakura?" Ruka-pyon's voice brought her back to the present. For a second she thought his appearance might be the affect of Gulliver's candy, she had to remind herself that her Ruka-pyon was all grown up now.

"Howalon," Mikan answered honestly, "I can't quite remember how it tasted."

"Well I'm sure we can always get some for you, I could always take a short break from my job and go to the central town." Ruka told her, almost laughing with relief. He had half expected her to have zoned out into some happy memory of Natsume that bring her back to the state he'd found her in. Not good.

"Really?" Mikan asked, wide eyed. "I've been dying to have some since I left the academy!"

"This is where we get off," Ruka stated as the subway skidded to a stop. Nervously, Mikan climbed out of the train, her head was filled with guesses at who Ruka-pyon would be dropping her off with. _No, he wouldn't… would he? _

"Sakura, SAKURA!" Ruka called her out of her guessing, "Take an umbrella, you're getting soaked!"

"Ah? Okay Ruka-pyon," Mikan took the umbrella obediently. "Wait, I thought you had two umbrellas?" Mikan told the bond man, who was now getting very wet. "I can't let you catch a cold!" Mikan cried in displeasure. "We can both use this one," Mikan offered up some space under the umbrella, and Ruka gladly took it.

"Can I at least get a hint at who you're dropping me with?" Mikan begged, to be honest not knowing was really starting to get to her. Ruka chuckled and shook his head. "Pu-leeeeze!" Mikan continued. "I'll do aaanything for you if you tell meeee!"

"Really?" Ruka was caught off guard by this; Mikan giggled at his surprise, wondering if he would take the bait. "Anything? You'll do anything?" Ruka was dumbfound.

"I promise." Mikan told him sweetly. She was now very curious about exactly what he wanted her to do. _This is Ruka-pyon_, Mikan reminded herself, _he wouldn't make me do anything crazy._ Mikan didn't know just how wrong she was.

"Fine, I'll tell you." Ruka gave in and Mikans face lit up. "You're going to be staying with Tsubasa and Misaki; they got married a year ago, and Misaki is four months pregnant."

"That's wonderful!" Mikan exclaimed grinning like an idiot. "Does she know if it will be a boy or a girl?"

"No, they want a surprise," Ruka told her with a small smile. "Looks like they've been waiting for us," Ruka pointed to the porch of the house directly in front of them.

There sat Tsubasa, and it looked almost as if he hadn't aged at all. The only visible changes Mikan could see were the absence of the black star which had sat under his left eye and that he seemed to have grown a few inches. Looking at Tsubasa was like going back in time; Mikan's memories of the special ability type class. It took Mikan a minute to release time had changed.

"Long time no see, Mikan" Tsubasa greeted Mikan jokingly, his mischievous smile glued to his lips.

"Tsubasa-sempai! It's been forever!" Mikan cried, half laughing, she was glad to be strong enough to greet him with a smile.

"I'm not your sempai anymore, you know." Tsubasa told Mikan with a chuckle and held her in a tight embrace.

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**Ruka's POV**

_There she is. I can almost see her coming through, the girl I love. But is it really her? Forgive me… _

Ruka was pleased with Mikan's recovery; he hadn't thought she could become her old self so fast! If her appearance hadn't of changed over the years Ruka could've almost mistaken her for her ten-year-old self. _I hope she doesn't turn back now,_ Ruka thought.

"Ruka-pyon just told me you're going to be a father! Congratulations!" Mikan told her old friend. _Crap! What if Tsubasa thinks I'm getting her confused with her ten-year old self! _Ruka cringed, realizing that if Tsubasa came to that conclusion he might be a bit right.

"Gave in did you, Ruka?" Tsubasa turned to look at the blond man, smirking.

Deciding to take it in a joking manner, Ruka rolled his eyes. "She just kept begging…" Ruka paused, "Speaking of which, she'll probably start again if you don't get Misaki-san out here; because I'm sure Sakura is just dying to talk to her about the baby."

"Oi Misaki!" Tsubasa called "Mikan's here!" Within a minute a somewhat tired looking Misaki appeared at the door, a smile crept across her face.

"Mikan! It's been forever!" Mikan gently wrapped her arms around Misaki, careful of her swollen belly; Misaki however, embraced Mikan so tightly she almost took Mikan's breath away.

"I always knew you and Tsubasa would get married some day!" Mikan exclaimed. "And now you're even going to have a child! That's so great!"

"It's good to see you haven't changed, Mikan." Misaki laughed, her crimson eyes spackling. _If you had seen her a few days ago…_ Ruka thought hoping with all his heart that Misaki was right. Tsubasa shot a confused glance at Ruka; Ruka understood this, just a few days ago he had told Tsubasa about the death of Hiroshi, so of course the cheerful Mikan was strange to him.

"I'll take you to your room," Misaki told Mikan. "I'm sure those two have things to talk about." _Misaki is perceptive,_ Ruka thought as the two women disappeared into Tsubasa's house.

"So what's the cause of Mikan's transformation?" Tsubasa cut to the point, looking Ruka in the eye.

"Honestly I don't know, two days ago she just told me she'd give living another try…" Ruka's voice trailed off.

"I understand," Tsubasa lay a hand on Ruka's shoulder. "Just promise me Ruka," Tsubasa paused, "promise that you'll remember that however much it may seem that she hasn't changed, Mikan is not the girl from our childhood anymore."

With all his heart Ruka wished he could make such a promise, but he felt that this was a promise he could never be able to keep. "I promise I'll try my hardest to remember," he paused. "It's just that I'm already getting the Sakura from childhood and the current Sakura confused."

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**Reviews are my motivation so if you want the next chapter give me a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Guess what! I finally finished chapter seven! not just that, I now have an outline for the rest of this story. Enjoy!**

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_This is too fast. Why can't I stand still in time with my beloved? He is frozen in place while time pushes me forward._

Misaki had left Mikan in her new room when Ruka came to say good bye. Mikan was glad to have some company, because when she was alone there was no need to pretend.

"This place is perfect for you," Ruka observed, as he gazed around the room. Mikan's room had pale peach colored walls and dark honey colored carpet; it was furnished with a small round table, and a chair painted to match the walls. The bed was neatly made with a pink bed spread with gold trim.

"Tsubasa is a generous person," Mikan answered him.

"Will you be happy here?" Ruka's question caught Mikan off guard, could he see through her smiles? Could he tell that she was still in grief?

"I'll try my best…" Mikan's voice felt weak, a subject change needed to happen. "You'll be okay alone at the clinic? You'll come and visit all the time right?"

"Whenever I can," Ruka told her with a small chuckle.

"I can't believe Tsubasa and Misaki are having a baby, it's almost too wonderful to believe!" Mikan decided not to add _especially when I just lost my baby._ Truth be told, Mikan felt jealous of the happy couple. Mikan and Natsume had never experienced the blissful life Tsubasa and Misaki had now, they had always been running from the academy.

"So about that promise, what do you want from me?" Mikan blurted out to drive herself back out of her head.

"Close your eyes," Ruka told the brunette gently. Hesitantly, Mikan let her eyes fall shut.

Something soft and warm pressed against Mikan's lips. Mikan had felt this sensation before, but it took her a minute to place it. Natsume! It felt like Natsume lips! Was he alive? If Mikan opened her eyes would he be there by her side again?

Mikan's eyes shot open, the person kissing her wasn't her Natsume. It was Ruka. Sensing her tension, Ruka swiftly pulled away.

"I… I was..." Ruka tried to explain. "I'm sorry Mikan. Goodbye now." The blonde ma rushed out of the room.

Wide eyed in shock, Mikan fell to a sitting position on the floor. She smiled for a split second as she realized that that was the first time Ruka had called her by her first name.

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**~Ruka's POV~**

_I can't confuse the girl that is before me with the girl from my past. I must discipline myself._

Ruka didn't bother to say goodbye to Tsubasa or Misaki, he simply fled from that house. It had just been an impulse, and he hadn't realized he was going to kiss her until his lips were upon hers. What if Mikan hated him now? She would have every right to after all, first he had forced back to reality, and then because of that she had seen the death of her own child! Wouldn't she have been happier just to die so she could be with her son and her lover?

When he reached the clinic Ruka realized that the rabbit still needed clean bandages, and in addition now had an infected paw. Frustrated, Ruka set off to buy some fresh bandages once more; this time, however, he remembered to bring money for the subway.

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**~Tsubasa's POV~**

_I have found joy for myself, but is it possible to find joy for others?_

Tsubasa heard the door slam shut. Gazing out the window he saw that Ruka had just left his house in a rush. _I wonder what happened…_

Tsubasa pushed Ruka out of his mind and went to check on Mikan. Hopefully she had liked the room he and his wife had prepared, personally Tsubasa thought it suited her perfectly but she might have changed more than he had presumed.

"Oi Mikan! Is your room okay?" Tsubasa asked her through the door. For a few moments Mikan didn't respond, as if she hadn't heard him at all. Just as Tsubasa was about to ask her again he heard Mikan clear her throat.

"The room is very nice. Thank you so much for letting me stay here Tsubasa-senpai."

"I'm not your senpai any more Mikan, just call me Tsubasa."

"I'm sorry, it just slipped out, I…"

"It's okay, Mikan. Just remember from now on, okay?"

"Okay."

Tsubasa decided it was best to leave Mikan by herself for now, and maybe he should call Ruka and see what happened. Unfortunately all he got was a voice mail.

"They've both grown up quite a bit." At the sound of Misaki's voice Tsubasa turned around to see his wife.

"Yeah, our little Ruka-pyon is a man now." Tsubasa paused, "I just wish he wasn't such a lonely one."

"Look on the bright side, now he knows his love is safe," Misaki reminded her husband.

"But Mikan… after what happened to Natsume will she ever be happy?"

"You shouldn't worry so much, all we can do is watch over them and hope for the best. " Misaki told him. "Besides, we have our own lives to think about right?"

Tsubasa smiled and leaned over to kiss his lover. "You're right as always," Tsubasa breathed in her ear and Misaki laughed.

"What did you expect; it's always been this way." Misaki told him jokingly seriously and kissed his cheek before accepting another kiss from her beloved.

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**Looks like I managed to sneak some fluff into this chapter! It's been a year since I started this fic and it took me this long to appease the fluff readers! I should be ashamed of myself! Anyway, I'd like to thank the people who have been reading this fic since the very begining! Reviews are much appriciated!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Guess who updated? that's right I did! It's been like three months, hasn't it? is that too long? oh well.. I don't own Gakuen Alice or it's characters.**

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_My head is spinning. My world has become chaotic… Please someone lead me out of this sea of confusion. _

Mikan didn't know how long she sat in that spot on the floor after Tsubasa left her. It could have been only a few moments or several long hours. It had become clear to her, however, that the Ruka's heart hadn't changed in the slightest, even after all those years. Should she feel flattered? Angry? Happy? Guilty? Mikan didn't know what she should feel, or even what she did feel. It was as if she had gone back in time and the people she had known remained the same while she had changed. For a few precious moments she had felt she could become her ten-year-old self once more, but reality had slapped her in the face.

Mikan couldn't go back to the person she was, not with the ghosts of Natsume and Hiroshi haunting her mind. What she wanted to do is keep grieving, but she had wake up some time. It seemed some much easier just to let herself fade into death instead of trying to learn how to live again. But after Natsume and Hiroshi had left her, after she'd experience unbearably sorrow, how could she inflict that same woe onto Ruka?

_Maybe…_Mikan thought, _just maybe if I…_ She stood up slowly, unsure of whether she could do the right thing yet determined to try anyway. It took her a moment to remember which way to Tsubasa's living room. As she passed a closed door Mikan heard the couple giggling, she couldn't help but smile. There had been a time when she and Natsume had been like that, but it was only a distant memory now…

Not wishing to disturb the couple, Mikan searched for a phone. After five minute looking Mikan spotted Tsubasa's cell phone lying on the kitchen counter.

Shifting through Tsubasa's contacts, Mikan couldn't help but smile at how he listed Ruka's number under Ruka-pyon, Mikan's old nickname for him. At first she hesitated, not sure whether she had it in her to explain to Ruka what she needed. Mikan took a deep breath in and clicked on his name. Mikan put the phone to her ear. It rang thrice before Ruka picked it up.

"If you're calling to scold me I don't need to hear it, Tsubasa! I know I shouldn't have kissed her, but I just lost control!" Ruka snapped into the phone. Mikan suppressed a giggle despite her current predicament.

"I just have something to request of you, Ruka-pyon." Mikan heard Ruka inhale shapely.

"Mikan! I'm sorry I didn't expect you to call from Tsubasa's phone… "He murmured, failing to hide his shock. "I'm also sorry about what happened... I don't know what overcame me-"

"It's alright, I understand how you must feel…" Mikan paused, unsure how she could word hr question. "I just need some time to realize how I feel. I was just wondering if you could let me be for awhile, just until I have my feelings sorted out."

"I understand." Ruka answered flatly. "Just call when you're ready to see me again."

**Ruka's POV**

_Even if you can forgive me how can I forgive myself? I love you, but could you ever love me…_

Ruka sighed as he hung up, disappointed in himself. He had made the girl he loved unhappy, worse Sakura didn't want to see him anymore. He was so occupied with how foolish he had been that he almost didn't notice his phone ringing once more. Luckily, he realized just in time to pick it up.

"Hello?" Ruka mumbled into the phone, knowing not to trust his caller ID from experience.

"I happened to overhear your conversation, Ruka-pyon~" Ruka was half releaved, and half annoyed to hear Tsubasa's voice on the other end. "What did you do this time?"

"I KISSED HER, OKAY!" Ruka cried into the phone, stressed to the point of losing his temper. "AND I KNOW I'M A FOOL! I KNOW I SHOULDN'T OF!"

"Cool off Ruka!" Tsubasa told him gently but firmly. "You may regret it, but perhaps it's for the best." But how could that be? Was Tsubasa playing with him?

"Look at it this way, you've awoken her Ruka. Now she knows she has to stop pretending because your feelings are real." Ruka was glad Tsubasa couldn't see his eyes widening in wonderment. Maybe he really did have a valid point…

"Now you have the chance that she will answer your feelings for her. That's something you couldn't have hoped for before."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped." Ruka sighed, "I still don't think she'll come to love me like I love her, Sakura's still head over heels in love with a dead man."

"You're too pessimistic, Ruka. There's still time for Mikan to move on, you just need to let her have it. I can only trust you won't be a fool." A beep let Ruka know Tsubasa had hung up.

Ruka just stood there for a couple minutes, ashamed to admit to himself that Tsubasa had been right. Maybe this was all for the best. Deep in thought, Ruka finally took care of the rabbit's injured paw.

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**How was this chapter?** **I apologize if it was lacking action.. This fic is just kinda hard to write... I'd love it if you would review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here it is: the final chapter. I've spent one yea, six months, and eighteen days on this fanfiction and now it's finally finished. I really hope you're satisfied with the ending. I don't own Gakuen Alice.  
**

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_I think maybe this was what living felt like._

Mikan was lying in bed, gazing up at the ceiling, searching her mind for that blankness that passes into the state of sleep. It was falling asleep that was, out of all of the old habits she was trying to resume, the hardest to do. During the day she could talk to Tsubasa or Misaki, find a book to read, or find anything else to occupy herself. It was only in the hours she lay awake in her bed that things she had pushed out of her head would resurface. The odd thing was, what troubled her the most wasn't the thought of Natsume or her dead son. It was Ruka.

Over the past week with Tsubasa Mikan had almost accepted that they were gone and it wasn't right for her to follow just yet. Yes, Natsume was the love of her life, yes Hiroshi had gone before his time, but this didn't mean Mikan wasn't allowed to live. When she and Natsume, the two people closest to Ruka had disappeared he had learned to live, and now so was Mikan. In a way she envied Ruka, even though he had thought his love (Mikan felt embarrassed referring to herself as such, even just in thought) had left him for what must have seemed like forever he got another chance. Natsume, on the other hand, was dead. There was nothing Mikan could do to change this.

For a couple days after this realization, Mikan had thought she had everything figured out. Then she had had the pleasure of a chat over the phone with Hotaru (Ruka had gotten her number from Subaru and sent it to Tsubasa.) Although Hotaru had, unlike Ruka, moved on from romantically loving Mikan, she had still brought up a troubling point. Mikan had to figure out how she felt about Ruka. She couldn't leave him hanging forever.

Hotaru was now working in Europe inventing the newest highly advanced technology. From what Mikan had heard she was happy there. She even had a girlfriend. Mikan had, of course, grilled her for details about her new lover. But Hotaru had never been a person of many words, in the end she had just promised to send Mikan a picture or possible pay a visit to Japan in the future.

Once upon a time Mikan had had a special someone too. It was strange how hard it was to remember a happy memory of Natsume. They had always been on the run, and it was always a struggled to find food and shelter, a fair amount of the time they had been cold and hungry on the streets. Mikan's happiest memories were from all those years ago at the academy.

It took hours of careful thought to realize that the more she thought about it, the more her mind went in circles. She couldn't decide what needed to be done simply through cautious consideration. A long time ago, Mikan had taken risks. And now it now it was high time she tried again. She would call in the morning. Thinking determined thoughts, Mikan drifted into the realm of sleep.

The next morning Mikan awoke early. A glance at the clock told her it was only half passed seven. Normally Mikan preferred to sleep in until as late as ten o'clock but today anticipation had caused her to wake up earlier. She didn't know whether Ruka would be awake at this hour; so Mikan contented herself with a shower. As the hot water poured over her skin, Mikan felt some stir in her heart. It was a feeling she hadn't felt since the day she had left the academy. For a few moments she let it coarse through her, without bothering to identify it. As she dried herself off the identity of that emotion occurred to her. It was hope.

**Ruka's POV**

_I know this may be unreasonable, but… For my own sake I need to try; you'll forgive me… right?_

The last week hadn't been easy on Ruka. He'd lost a customer after the owner of the rabbit discovered that he'd let its paw become infected. This left Ruka with little to no work to keep his mind off what he called 'the Mikan dilemma'. Tsubasa had called a couple times to give him updates on how Mikan was coping, but this still left him with hours to contemplate how his actions may have affected her.

Ruka knew how terribly selfish and inconsiderate he had been. In a way it was as though he had betrayed not just Mikan, but Natsume. Hadn't they been friends? But to Ruka that world seemed like ancient history. Natsume had become a tragic hero in some ancient legend, or at least he had thought of his old friend that way until Mikan reappeared. But in the end hadn't Natsume betrayed him as well? He had left Ruka alone at the academy, and without Natsume and Mikan Ruka had realized just how lonely it was in that place.

That was what had kept Ruka lying awake the previous night. He had been holding a trial in his head, to see if it was him or Natsume that was the guilty one. It had gone on and on until he realized that that was how it was bound to go. Because neither he nor Natsume was either guilty or innocent. They were human.

The ringing of his cell phone awakened Ruka the next morning. A restless night combined with his Mikan dilemma and the fact that he was wasn't a morning person to begin with made Ruka immediately irritated with this caller. Although if he had spared the time to look at the clock beside his bed he would have seen that it wasn't actually quite as early as it seemed. Grudgingly, Ruka stepped out of bed and glanced about for his cell. He soon spotted it lying on the table, playing its peppy little ringtone. Ruka didn't even bother to check who was calling; he just grabbed it and pressed it against his ear.

"Hello?" he muttered groggily and grumpily into the phone.

"Ruka-pyon..?" Ruka heard a very familiar voice from the other end. A slightly shaky voice that broke any hold drowsiness held over him. _It couldn't be…_

"Is that you, Mikan?" It took a fair amount of effort to keep his voice steady. Why had she called him? Was she ready to see him again… Or was she going the tell him to disappear from her life?

"Yes, it's me." Ruka took a deep breath in, mentally preparing himself for what might follow. There was an awkward pause. "Over the last week I've been thinking…"

"About what?"

"About, well- I just thought I should at least try…" Ruka didn't know what to think, Mikan wasn't making sense. It was obvious she had decided to tell him something important, but was having problem phrasing it. He sensed Mikan collect herself as she paused again.

"If… If it's alright by you, I thought I might try being your girlfriend."

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**The End**

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**It's really here, believe it or not. I thought about writing another chapter but it would have been too forced. The natural flow of the story ends here. It forks in two different directions, you can choose which way it goes from here. I'm kind of tempted to do an epilogue anyway though, but it might not be for awhile. You may have noticed that I said that Hotaru had a girlfriend, if you don't think of her as a lesbian that's fine, but that's just how she is in my mind. I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me. Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the end.  
**


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